


Into the void you find fire

by Pipolyte



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: F/F, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Period-Typical Transphobia, Slurs, Slut Shaming, Unnecessary deaths, War AU, starships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 19:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2358857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pipolyte/pseuds/Pipolyte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lenalee loves an enemy, his Lieutenants say. Well, not in these words, but the idea is clear enough. Kamelot is an enemy. The mere idea revolts Allen, for several reasons:<br/>1/ It's war, they don't have time for this<br/>2/ That makes Lenalee a legit-to-hell traitor<br/>3/ Kamelot is a woman and so is Lena?<br/>4/ Neah</p><p>He needs to deal with the situation, and quickly. The thing is, in the end, it's more Lenalee who deals with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into the void you find fire

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This is a starships-war AU, with facts more or less similar to the canon's plot. All humans come from Earth, or at least a similar planet, with a retrograde culture which discriminate to diverse degrees the minorities. The Noah are the leaders of their enemies, who come from another planet with completely another culture.
> 
> Playlist : Cherokee - Cat Power / Who Are You Really - Mikky Ekko / The things we lost in the Fire - Bastille
> 
> Grades :  
> Lieutenant (officer on a ship)  
> Captain (captain of a ship)  
> Commodore (commanding several ships)  
> Admiral (commanding several armadas) / Amaz for the Noah  
> Admiral of the Fleet (supreme officer) / Slamik for the Noah
> 
> The prefix "Zsarts" is a mark of affection.
> 
> (I am so sorry for Lavi's way of speech)

**INTO THE VOID YOU FIND FIRE**

**(as much as fire is blue and passion is blood)**

 

 

.1

When Allen finally finds the time to approach Lena, she's typing something on one of the ship's principal boards.

“Lieutenant”, he greets her neutrally, hoping to guide the conversation without strain.

No such luck.

“Cap”, answers the woman immediately without stopping what she's doing, and one moment later she turns around with a crooked, mischievous smile in the corner of her lips. “Yes, Allen, what is it?”

The smile reminds him of when she still was his best friend, when she was sweet and nice and supportive and so _Lenalee_. Three years ago, when they weren't soldiers yet. A lifetime ago.

The war hit them and their friendship just as it hit their planet and their inhabitants.

Lenalee went off to combat before him – she's older, and when he joined almost a year later, she had changed drastically. A year later, so did he. But did they? Or did the war only revealed a part of them, an edge in them they didn't know about?

“I've heard about Amaz Kamelot.”

“I would be singularly surprised if you hadn't”, Lena replies swiftly, a dangerous gleam in her eyes.

“You know what I mean, I've heard of you and her, and I don't approve.”

Lenalee arches an eyebrow, high on her forehead. Damn, he remembers when he had a crush on her, and thought of asking her out. More than a lifetime ago, for some soldiers.

“Never asked you to.”

Her lips part further, revealing her teeth in a pretty, feral grin.

.2

He never asked her if she resents him for getting promoted to captain even though he's younger, less experienced, less efficient. When her capacities prove that it should be her at the head of the _White Beast_. It's a ridiculous question, a stupid thought: a woman shall not command a starship, thus being stuck at the grade of Lieutenant is only logical for her, however good a soldier she is.

.3

“Captain Walker,” says Amaz Kamelot on the screen.

It scares him to find similarities between her smile and Lena's. Not literally – Road's smirk is violent, bestial, whereas it's the expression that makes Lenalee's grin ferocious – but they both have this intensity, this intent that talks of danger.

“Shall you retreat outside our lines, I promise not to open fire on you.”

“That's not how it works, as you perfectly know, Amaz,” he retorts, suddenly tired by the diplomatic interaction.

War lost its interest long ago, only exhaustion remains.

“ _Zsarts_ Lenalee has quite an affection for you, I'm afraid. Plus, I would hate to hurt a Campbell.” Road answers, her smile ever-growing.

Her voice suggests that despite her promise, she wouldn't hesitate for a second to fire on him and his ship.

“I could ask you how your dear uncle is doing, but it seems I'm better informed than you on this.”

He ignores the mention to his family.

When they open fire, Lenalee is at her combat post like all of the others, as if there is nothing but enemies on the other ship.

.4

He's frenetic when the doors open.

“Bookman, Hearst, get Lieutenant Lee to solitary immediately,” he orders curtly.

Much to his disappointment, the orders aren't really followed. Timothy's hesitant, looks at Lenalee in search of something, and Lavi glares at him like he's lost his head.

“Ya alright, Cap? 'Cause ya look like ya forgotten mah title, and uh the fact that Lena's more–”

The red-head stops abruptly when Lenalee raises a hand.

There's three Lieutenants and a Captain on this ship, but out of himself, Lee, Lavi and that crazy swordsman, it seems that the one who's obeyed by the rest of the crew isn't the one who should be.

Maybe it's normal. Lenalee's a woman, she must have... maternal instincts, or something of the sort, that explains that his crew is so loyal to her. Sure, it has to be that.

.5

Lenalee's eerily composed when he comes to see her in her prison. She holds her head high in pride, faces him without an inch of fear, remains calm and serene, self-confident.

“I'm no traitor, you know,” she tells him eventually. Her tone's flat.

He crosses his hands behind his back.

“I thought so, too,” he sighs. “But you have any other word to describe what you're doing?”

He expects her to get angry, or perhaps ashamed. She smiles a little, instead, pity pouring all over her face.

“I'm not Neah, Allen. Your traumas don't apply to everyone.”

.6

He's never really thought about the war. His planet was attacked, all volunteers went to combat, then all valid adults got enlisted, then young adults, then him. The enemy is evil, they want nothing but to gut them in their sleep.

Allen doesn't sleep much, anyway.

The enemy is evil, but Neah loves one of them, and betrayed his nation, goddammit, for his lover. He turned his back on their bond when he left the good side. Now, Lenalee loves another of these bastards. He can't afford to loose Lena too.

Yet he knows that's not the truth.

He lost Lena quite a long time ago. He just can't afford to face it.

.7

His crew eyes him curiously. Miranda even gathers all her courage to ask him if he's okay. He nearly rolls his eyes, forces himself not to. It's not her fault, after all. She's, well... A woman. Not that there's a problem with that! But those are... not as good soldiers as men prove to be.

He talks about it to Lenalee.

It's a little weird, her being behind glass, but it feels exactly how it did when they were both in school and used to confess many things to the other.

She asks when she gets out.

“Soon, I think,” he sighs. “The crew seems to take me more for a madman every day I retain you here.”

“Allen, it's going to be okay,” she says softly. “I'm not Neah, I'm not a traitor. Romantic sentiments aren't a synonym for trouble or unreasonable. Put me in battle with Road and I'll fight her. Give me a gun, order me to kill her, I'll do it.”

His eyes hurt as if needles were piercing them.

“Oh, Lena. Where have you been? I need my best friend by my side.”

Her pupils flicker in regret, “I've always been here, Allen. The rest of the world just decided to become a bitch.”

.8

When he lets Lenalee out of the cell, first thing first, she slaps him hard. Then, when he yells and complains about it, she kicks him harder.

“Women are no less good soldiers than men, you sexist pig. I'm better than you, _Cap_ , and if it weren't for the fact that I've been born with a vagina, I'd already be in your place.”

.9

He wonders how it is possible that Lenalee would be ready to kill her loved one.

.10

“ _Captain_ , you got a message. A rather important one, I gathered.” Kanda comments drily, as usual, making his grade sound like an insult.

Allen knows that, even though he _is_ good at this whole soldier thing, his three Lieutenants are older than him, could have been promoted at the head of the _White Beast_ in his place. The only reason it was him was that Lavi's completely mad, that Lenalee's a woman, and that Kanda (despite his service on the _Light's Art_ before it exploded along with Commodore Tiedoll) is the _worst_ at taking orders and being part of a crew, even less so taking command. And so when Commodore Cross disappeared, Allen was the one promoted to Captain.

“What is it? What happened?”

“Apparently, Lieutenant Lee deserted,” the idiot responds with irony.

Allen freezes.

“ _What_?”

Alongside Kanda, Lavi crooks an eyebrow.

“Woah, chill, dude, he's shittin' ya. Ya know Lena wouldn't do th–” the red-head loose his train of thoughts at the expression on Allen's face. He squares his jaw, his eyes narrow, his tone becomes as cold and hard as steel. “You're lucky you're in charge, _Captain_.” he snarls, and here the grade becomes something wrong in his mouth. “I could punch you for this.”

When Lavi storms out of the main bridge, no-one stops him. Kanda poses a neutral eye on Allen, only saying “You're a fucking mess, kid, but we thought you were better than that.” before he's following the other Lieutenant.

.11

Turns out that the message is from the Slamik. What. The. Fuck. He's only a Captain, why does the bloody Admiral of the enemy Fleet contacts him?!

Oh, right. Goddamn Neah fucks that man, and he himself happen to be Neah's only family.

Fuck.

“Captain Walker,” the Slamik salutes a little haughtily. “It has come to my attention that one of my daughters has taken an interest into one of your crew's members.”

Is Amaz Kamelot really his daughter? Disgusting, but Allen's more than ready to believe it.

Oh, fuck no, please let him be talking about Lenalee and that Road.

“Considering we're already almost family, if one of your dearest friends joins us, I'm afraid we might need to reconsider the previous decision of ignoring each other's existence.”

Dear god. Family. The Slamik called him family.

Allen's not entirely sure the relief from finding out that it is Lenalee he's talking about (that no-one else as a lover in the enemy fleet) will be enough to prevent him from throwing up. The Slamik called him family, then basically added that they should get to know each other.

Hell, this war fucked up his life so much.

Unfortunately, the message isn't even finished. After that, the Slamik's face get obscured by Neah's body when his uncle jumps on his lover's lap.

“Hi, Nini!” he cries out cheerfully.

(“Nini, really.” Lenalee comments behind him, and all he can think about is _why_ _is this_ _my life_ (which is a lie, because his heart also aches for the time he was still a boy and Neah was at home and Mana was alive and they would call their boy Nini))

Neah's gleeful air darkens a bit, as he lowers his glaze toward the floor.

“Look, Allen, I know we're still... not alright, obviously, but I– miss my family, my brother and his son, and, goddammit, please listen to me, I know you think I'm a slut for betraying the Glorious Fleet for Adam, but, if you would just consider taking it back... I'd like to talk to you, again. So much.”

There _aren't_ any tears in his eyes.

“Holy shiiit,” Lena swears.

She hits him with her foot, hard enough to make him cry out.

“What the fuck, Allen! You really used that slur against him?”

.12

He hears them talking a little further away. Lenalee's chatting with Timothy (who's leaving soon, for Commodore Nine's mother ship), her voice dreamy.

“I'm gonna marry her.”

“Really? Can you do that?”

“Well, not on our planet, women rights are so developed... But on hers, yes, we can. And we will, once the war's ended. Their laws and their culture are so different and fascinating! They have social, hierarchic structures that have nothing in common with ours... She's an Amaz! Would you imagine a woman Admiral, here? Plus, they can marry whoever they want. and boy will I marry her..! As soon as the war's over.”

.13

He knocks on Lena's door one night. She lets him in without question, and damn, she may not be interested in him, but seeing her in her underwear is a little unsettling. Still, he can't really complain about it: it's him who decided to visit at an ungodly hour.

“What do you find in her?”

Lenalee sighs.

“Everything Kanda finds in Alma, I guess.”

He makes a face. “Karma and Kanda, they're together? But Karma's like... Well, you know.”

Lena eyes him and sighs louder.

“I liked you a lot, Allen,” she admits, as he notes her use of the past tense. “That was before I educated myself and understood how many prejudices you have. People attracted to their own gender are no less normal than people attracted to the other gender. People like Alma who reject the assigned sex they're born with are no less human for wanting to be comfortable with their body. Women are as worthy and great as men.”

He sucks in a deep, long breath, conscious that what he'll say next isn't natural to him and fighting the urge to stay silent.

“Well, would you educate me, Lena?”

.14

“You wouldn't come home, when the war will end? You'd abandon your home for her?” he questions once.

Lenalee's eyes flicker towards the starry horizon.

“What home? I've got no home.”

He frowns at that, poses a hand on her shoulder.

“You've got Komui.”

Only then does she turn around to look at him, her violet pupils large, her lips a fine line.

“Komui's dead. He's been dead for months, Allen.”

.15

Later, when he comes to Kanda, the man tells him Admiral Lee died several weeks before Allen was enlisted, along with his mother ship the _Mourning Damsel_ , and oh god, he named his first ship after Lena, probably to remind himself never to fuck up because there was someone who waited for him at him, who would be devastated should he not return.

And he died on this ship.

At least two years ago, and Allen didn't even know.

.16

Marie bursts in the main bridge, a huge smile on his face.

“Captain, a communication from Amaz Kamelot. Lieutenant Lee, well– the same.”

He barely flinches in front of the Amaz face, even when she looks at him and says dismissively, with a “uh uh”, that she actually hasn't anything to talk about with him, just wanted to see Lenalee.

His palm finds his way to his face even before he launches himself in an armchair. The sigh, however, blocks itself in his throat when he sees Lena's expression.

She's beaming, literally glowing with contentment and happiness.

So that's what it is to be in love, finding hope and serenity in the eye of the storm, even surrounded by space's void, even in the middle of a war.

.17

The war ends on a morning like any others, except that suddenly there's another ship boarding them. It's Road's, and Allen would have opened fire immediately had she not assured him the armistice had been signed by the Slamik and the Admiral of the Glorious Fleet, an hour before.

Kamelot enters the ship like a conqueror or an Amazon, wearing her traditional leather clothes which seems unnecessary complicated but which he supposes must be practical. He finds it weird, personally, though he guesses the way it reveals her curves is appealing to Lenalee.

Lieutenant Lee runs – as it, _runs_ – on the main bridge before landing in her lover's arms.

They're both smiling larger than Allen has ever seen them do, ever thought he would see Lenalee grin.

“Will you marry me, _Zsarts_ dear?” he can hear Road mumbling in Lena's hair.

Her “yes, yes, yes, yes” are a litany to the Amaz's ears.

.18

In the Slamik's chair, his lover by his side, his uncle struggles to hide his hopeful smile and keep a neutral expression. Allen himself feels strangely calm, as if there's really nothing more natural in the world.

“Hello, Neah.” he greets when the communication canal settles.

“Hello, Allen.”


End file.
